Me in blueface.
I told Tony that I’d be diligently studying for our Marketing midterm during my 2-hour-long break but so far, all I’ve done is gossip about long distance friends’ significant others, read about Rihanna allegedly getting back together with Chris Brown (via Gawker/Lezebel), and look up the California minimum wage for 2009.
I spend about 20 minutes watching girls flow in and out of lecture room 145’s doors in their patterned rainboots and Cal sweatshirts. Then I look down at my sheer black tights from Korea that are so thin that I managed to rip them in about 4 different places in my attempt to dress myself in under 30 seconds this morning.
I sit down on one of Dwinelle’s extremely uncomfortable benches since the worn heels on my $5 boots make an awful metal scraping noise that makes all the laptop-appendaged cyborgs here give me the death glare when I wander around the halls in my dazed facey (is WP really going to underline “appendaged” but not “facey”?! T. and I custom-made that word for me) way.
A girl walks in wind-swept, in a short cerulean dress and flip-flops. I smile at her in solidarity. My Korean professor asked me today if I ever feel cold. I shook my head at her and smiled.
These days I sleep heavily. I drift in and out of dark dreams. I wake up in the mornings in a warm sweat and feel heavy, crushed by the weight of what didn’t happen.
I feel lost and without purpose lately. I spend hours thinking about nothing, browsing 70+ pages of glossy food photographs and recipes I’ll never end up using. I then go to the kitchen and eat a bland combination of rice and tofu.
Maybe I’m on the road to monkhood.
